When “Friends” Don’t “Like” Your Facebook Posts

facebook dislike

Facebook. It’s an interesting microcosm that teeters somewhere between the worlds of high school drama and creepy voyeurism. With very little work, people are able to link to the lives of friends and family that they haven’t seen in years. Decades, even. Peering into their daily minutiae remotely. Tuning in and out within seconds. It’s the abridged version of friendship, removing all of the unwanted parts of human socialization such as making eye contact and hearing people talk. It’s great.

However, there are underlying problems which emerge from this seemingly innocuous website – the innumerable grudges you hold against people who don’t like the things you post. More specifically, pictures you post. Of your kids. Doing cute things. Because, goddamnit, you know your kids are the best and you want the entire world to know it too!

Sure, it would be kind to allow for the benefit of the doubt. Said person is, after all, your friend (or, at least, someone possessing a quality that makes you hate them a little less than an enemy). So, you try to be understanding. You think, maybe they didn’t see your pictures. Maybe they got lost in the enormous feed from their 536 other “friends.” Maybe they were having a “screen-free” Wednesday. Maybe they were busy. Maybe they found a real life to lead. Maybe you’re not the center of their universe.

Alas, you would be wrong on several of those assumptions, namely because you know their type. You have cyber-stalked them via the modern stage just enough to know that they are not that strong-willed or interesting. No, they’ve been on the site. They just didn’t like your shit.

Everyone has at least a couple of people like this in their realm. The person who lives and breathes Facebook. They login every day from work. From the post office. From the grocery store checkout. In the middle of their kid’s soccer game. In the middle of traffic. In the middle of workouts. They are addicts!

Their posts are random, scattered across a day in an indecipherable pattern. Sometimes at noon. Sometimes at 5:30 p.m. Sometimes at 3:00 in the morning. They don’t want to miss a beat and they are always “in the know.” They are the Gladys Kravitz of their day (kids born before the “Bewitched” era or Nick-At-Nite might need to look up this reference).

Occasionally they post their thoughts on some reality show finale, or share an article they read on the Yahoo front page, but mostly they just “like” a bunch of stuff. They give out that cyber thumbs-up like it’s going out of style. To anyone and everyone. Almost as if they were cyber-whores seeking the twisted approval of others. They give props to just about any bit of trite and mundane news to come across their screen. “Joey ate tacos for lunch at that new Mexican restaurant yesterday.” Like. “Sports team X really needs to step up their game if they want to make playoffs!!” Like. “Here are some pictures of a bird I found on the internet.” Like.

Yet, in the short span of a year, when you have been selective and thoughtful in your posts, sharing only the best 10 pictures of your kids, you get nada. Zip. Nothing. So, what gives?! It’s always hard to pinpoint their reasoning. No one knows what goes on in someone’s head; but, you’re up for the challenge and you start to analyze them anyway.

Maybe you didn’t “like” their kids’ pictures enough. But why would you? Their kid is hideous and annoying. And he ripped up your favorite scarf and puked on your new wood floors. Besides, you still hit that beloved button on some of the things they post. Even the lame things. Such as that picture of them at the baby shower you weren’t invited to attend. Or a piece of cheesecake they “made.” No, there must be more to it than that.

Maybe they hate you because you look better in Capri pants than they do. Maybe they are jealous because their new baby looks more like Jabba the Hutt than any infant reasonably should (and yours, of course, doesn’t). Or even, possibly, they just don’t like your politics. Or your religion. Or your lack of politics. Or lack of religion. They find you detestable but, because they live under the delusion that they are “good people,” they give you the ultimate favor and act like you’re their friend. You know, because life isn’t already overflowing with pretentious assholes and posers. Plus they think you’ll never figure it out. Their hatred of you is invisible, so they have come to believe. From their standpoint, that deafening silence that radiates from their invisible cyber-disdain doesn’t even register as any sort of social faux pas. They assume you are too busy to notice. Well, think again, Frenemy!

You’re onto them! You know they don’t like you. And you have Facebook to thank for that. In addition to this new-found truth, another thing becomes glaringly obvious – you think they are a dick (even more than you did before). And despite any pleasantries and fake smiles you wear for them in public, you secretly, silently loathe their very existence just as much as they loathe yours.

The social gloves are off. Facebook has opened your eyes to the true, inner nature of people with whom you associate. And, once you have seen the light, there is no turning back. There isn’t a grand show of affection, a sincere act of kindness, or a humble moment of humanity that can turn back the tide of their absence in your profile. Things will forever be different. Even if only in your mind.

Besides, what’s the good of humanity without judgment, resentment and hatred for petty reasons? It was the foundation for great things such as the Crusades, the Spanish Inquisitions, the Maury Povich Show and Yelp. It’s the one aspect of mankind that will never find itself removed from the evolutionary conveyor belt of life. It’s here for keeps. And Facebook is but one mere tool aiming to prolong its inevitable existence.

So, what happens now? Where do we go from here? There is really only one decent option – keep posting those pictures of your children. Do it with wild abandon. Stage the most adorable, cheek-pinchingly cute pictures of your munchkins and their angelic/photogenic faces. Add witty captions. Make it a weekly habit. Fill up your feed. Do it until people start unfriending you or removing your posts from their feed (not like you’ll notice, right?!). Do it like it’s going out of style. And, just when you can’t keep up with this demanding schedule any longer, remove the silent friend and/or friends from your Facebook register. Forever. And play dumb if they ever mention it to you.

Of course, with that said, this plan goes out the window if these insipid specimens of humanity finally give you a thumbs up. Hate them or not, getting cyber approval – ANY cyber approval – still feels pretty darn good! And, believe me, that is a human trait much more shameful than hatred.

21 thoughts on “When “Friends” Don’t “Like” Your Facebook Posts

  1. Facebook really makes me feel like shit sometimes. I never dish on my personal stuff like some people I know do. I keep it fun and thoughtful. But I get so anxious about people not liking my posts, I delete if I haven’t gotten at least two likes an hour after posting. I hate that I care, but I want so badly for people to like me and it feels like no one does. 😦

    1. Facebook is an odd experiment, for sure. But, in order to keep your sanity, just remember one thing: it’s all an illusion. Just like a Burger King ad or a Pantene commercial, they are 1% truth mixed with 99% lies. Keep that in your mind at all times and the shittiness of the experience will just melt away.

    2. I was bused in to the town where my high school was. So, for four years I felt like part of a group. But I was and am an outsider. Facebook has verified my suspicions. My so-called friends on fb can’t get enough of each other’s daily minutiae, but I could post that my son had just received the Nobel prize, and it would be ignored. It hurts.

      1. It does hurt. Facebook is a very hurtful place. But, you know, so is life. I guess it’s all part and parcel of the same problem. As long as you are “real,” you just have to keep plodding along, wading through all of the “fake” people…and someday you will find your true friends, too! Trust me…I’m still searching, but I’ve found a few good ones along the way!

  2. Such a good article and yes, people are horrible sometimes. The envy is killing them. I opened an Instagram account and this makes me more happy, strangers are much better than what I consider friends. After you finish school, there´s so much envy if you have a better job or you travel more than them. Not liking your kids´ photos is a crime, meanwhile the typical blonde gets like 200 likes for each narcissistic photo she posts. This society gets more and more incultured through Faceb.

    1. Yes, it continues to cause a furrowed brow…my attempt to understand people’s motivations for liking or not liking posts. Chalk it up to laziness. And lack of concern. And the fact that most people are self-centered at their core (myself included). Facebook tends to bring out the worst in humanity, for sure!

  3. A million thank you’s for this! Sometimes it feels like I’m the only person who gets hurt by this sort of thing. I have dogs instead of kids and it really bothers me how people’s baby and kid pics get so many likes and my adorable puppy pics get like 5 tops if I’m lucky. Even if you’re not that into dogs or pets you’d think my real life friends would like the pics anyway just to support me as I do them. I liberally like other’s posts (as long as it’s not a religious or political one, or one I find obnoxious) and it’s hurtful to see my friends from college liking every one of each other’s posts, but barely any of mine. I just don’t get it. And then I end up feeling crazy, insecure and petty for even caring about this stuff. This post and the other comments make me feel less “crazy” and alone on this.

    1. I’m sorry people don’t “like” the photos of your dogs. That stinks! (And I’m sure they are VERY cute…I’ll send a virtual “like” from here!) That said, sometimes I wonder if Facebook has an algorithm designed to break apart friendships in these ways. Maybe they didn’t see your posts. They really don’t stream everything from everyone…imagine if they did! I don’t know. I’ve analyzed it in my head more times than I care to admit…but, suffice it to say, the best path is to keep on living your sweet life with canines and don’t worry about the non-likers. If nothing else, it’s a way to weed out the excess in terms of “friends.”

  4. I have a very close friend who likes all manner of things but nit my posts or statuses. I wish I’d never noticed this but once I had it was glaring me in the face. I put up some holiday pics and she ignored them but liked everyone else’s. Same with first day at school, here I am in a boat and all the other random stuff. It has made me back off in a similar fashion. Now I’m wondering if our real life friendship is a sham..

    1. It does come to light and make some hidden undercurrents come to the surface. I’m sorry! Human nature can be an ugly beast. Especially when it is with close friends. (I have certainly experienced the pains of this truth!) But…you know what…don’t let their ugliness dictate your actions. You keep being the kind and awesome person that you are! If your friend wants to come around, that’s up to them….but, regardless, you keep being you! And that’s really all you can do. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it’s disappointing when you recognize that a friendship isn’t a two-way street…but, there are plenty of people out there. More true friends await. 🙂

  5. A girl I use to know requested me as a friend. It’s not like we are going to be best buds because she lives in another country and there’s 6-7 age difference (she has engulfed what her boyfriend likes as her own personality) but she requested me so I accepted, her mother sent me a request too. They have come to the us and visited us and vice versa. Neither of them like or comment anything of mine. Her mother maybe once in 6mo. I have very few people on my fb. Family only mainly. I find it very strange, almost judgemental and stalkerish..I was one of those lived too long with their parents young adults but honestly I don’t care. Now I’m in business with my relative who raised me, it was my idea when the market tanked to flip houses and are now buying a house with attached weekend air b and b rental in one of the most beautiful places in the world. So technically I do still live with the person who raised me but damn, we are putting 120k cash down complete 50/50 investment partnership but all they see is “I still live with my relative”. I’m also buying a food truck when we relocate and starting my little food truck business although my goal is to package and market my food. It’s very petty if why I’m on their friends list is to judge me somehow. It’s bad enough my family does. I have goals, massive ones that I think I have surplus of because of the shortcomings and judgements people have put on me. I guess without them I wouldn’t strive for as much.

    1. I hate Facebook. I hate that I need it in order to stay connected with family. I hate that it gives access regarding my life to people I barely know. But mostly I hate that I can’t get up the willpower to kick it for good. With that said, I hope you won’t use it as a yardstick to measure yourself against those other people you feel to be judging you. I’m sure you are a wonderful person…and, if people are too busy to see it, then just consider yourself that precious stone caught under a cavern of darkness! 😉 And truly, this is a dark time…but someone, someday will chip away at all of the crap and make this world bright again. Maybe it will be you! P.S. food trucks and house flipping is pretty awesome! I “like” that! 😉

  6. I needed to see this article right now. Thank you so much for so eloquently putting into words the very troubling experience I have been dealing with for so long. It makes me want to confront them, but then I would look like the crazy one. I know she does it on purpose, though. People can really suck.

    1. Thank you so much! I’m sorry you are experiencing this phenomenon! You are not the crazy one…just painfully aware of your surroundings! You are absolutely right, though! People really do suck. Just hang in there, siphon through the shit, and every once in a while you will find one worth knowing. As for the rest, just let them keep scrolling!

  7. I thought this acticle was just sarcastic… untill I read the comments. I like that you wrote so honestly about this, because it’s not always popular to trip on things like this. I don’t have problems with getting likes though… I get quite a few… the problem is that it’s people that I hardly know… and those that I do know do not like my posts. The people I genuinely care about and who I want to see support me, don’t care to like at all. Well both of them. I mean I don’t do it for validation but when I post a status that opens a conversation or when I announce something special I’d like for them to comment and engage. The worse is that they like everyone else’s stuff, so it’s not like they are not online. It’s almost like they’re saying “well you have enough likes it’s not like you need mine”, like WTF yours count the most! This makes me doubt the friendship and how supportive they really are. I always comment on their’s and we use to be very interactive on FB. I’ve decided to unfollow them so I stop liking their shit. So glad I’m not the only one noticing these things. Thanx for responding eventhough you wrote this ages ago. Much love.

    1. Facebook is the worst. It really is. And yet we all remain on it….which highlights the dichotomy of human nature. But, thank you for sending your love and commiseration. There are some days when it is needed more than others…and, I truly needed it today! ❤ Sending love back to you!!

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